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Here are some jokes that are too old to do now, but were some of my favorites. 

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  • Republican Party officials are speculating that President Trump will want an airport named after him.  And in accordance with his “loss” in 2020. It’ll be called Chump International.
     

  • Can you believe that there are 82 Christmas movies to watch now? Those movies are so sugary, I could see a doctor saying to his patient, “You know, your blood sugar is way up, you need to cut back on sugar, sweets, and the Hallmark Channel.”

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  • Joe Biden has gotten his first look into the President’s Daily Briefs. When asked what he thought about what he had seen, Biden bragged that his briefs were several sizes smaller.
     

  • Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip just celebrated their 73rd Wedding Anniversary. Not to be outdone, one day Meghan Markle plans to celebrate her 73rd husband.
     

  • Did you hear about the upcoming fundraising event hosted by Willie Nelson, Lisa Marie Presley, and Jerry Seinfeld?  You may know them better as Smoke, Broke, and Joke.”
     

  • For his birthday, Keith Richards received a cockroach.  Keith said this wasn’t quite what he meant when he said he wanted a roach for his birthday.​
     

  • The Presidential election seems to be dragging on forever.  It’s possible that when Santa comes for Christmas, his bag won’t contain toys for boys and girls, it’ll be full of more votes for Joe Biden.
     

  • Kanye West voted for the first time in his life when he voted for himself as president via a write-in vote. Kanye’s handwriting was easily distinguishable, it was written in his signature crayon.

 

  • Jennifer Aniston said it is not funny to vote for Kanye and that we should be responsible. And the irony is that a woman who known for not being able to choose the right man for a husband is advising us on choosing the leader of the free world.

  

  • Scientists have now observed the phenomena of “Fast Radio Bursts” for the first time in our galaxy. It’s no big deal, the Man in the Moon is tired of hearing election coverage too and he’s just trying to change the station.

 

  • Despite a country-wide ban on smoking in N. Korea, Kim Jong Un continues to puff away.  So the only butt allowed now in N. Korea, is Kim Jong Un.

 

  • The UK just went under a second lockdown making it illegal for more than 6 people to gather together at a time; which could affect the Royal Family’s Christmas plans. Except for Prince Andrew, who said that “6 at one time” is perfect. 

 

  • Macy’s Santaland will not be in person this year and Santa won’t be leaving the North Pole. So now if people still want to be given free stuff, they’ll have to wait until Joe Biden gets in office. 

 

  • Since he no longer represents the Royal Family, Prince Harry was denied permission in the UK to participate in a Remembrance Day Ceremony.  Harry wanted to lay a wreath, while palace officials said he should just shut up and go lay Meghan Markle.

 

  • Britney Spears is still trying to get her father, Jamie removed as her conservator. Daddy Spears has his hands in her pockets so much, it’s considered incest.

 

  • Prince Charles has launched a line of sustainable clothing. The coat pockets are secured by a zipper to protect your assets from pickpockets, like your ungrateful non-working son and his self-absorbed wife.
     

  • Ant Anstead, whose divorce from his new wife Christina was just announced will also be leaving his TV Show “Wheeler Dealers.” Ant said, “He can’t seem to hold onto a job or his wives.”  Don’t worry Ant, we know a president who has the exact same problem.

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  • ​The Charlie Brown holiday shows won’t be on network TV. There won’t be “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.” So now, if the kids want to see something big and orange on TV, they’ll have to watch reruns of “The Apprentice.”

 

  • ​Jennifer Aniston has rescued a new puppy named “Lord Chesterfield.” Here’s someone with a royal title that will be way more loyal than Meghan and Prince Harry.​

...And finally, my favorite oldie...​
 

  • Sy Sperling, hair loss sufferer and creator of “The Hair Club for Men” passed away last week. To be consistent with his life's mission, he’ll be buried underneath a patch of artificial turf.

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