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Monologue #2

​With only a few days before Biden’s swearing-in, Nancy Pelosi is calling for the removal of President Trump from office. Poor Nancy, she’s suffering from a bad case of premature eradication.

On Gallup’s Most Admired Person’s List, President Trump was named the most admired man. The Democrats split their votes between Obama, Biden, and Dr. Fauci, who you might know better as, “hero, zero and bozo.”

But what you may not know, President Trump was also voted “Class clown” and “Least Likely to Concede.” 

Republican Party officials are speculating that President Trump will want an airport named after him.  And in accordance with his “loss” in 2020. It’ll be called Chump International.

Did you hear about this? Dr. Fauci received his first dose of the Moderna vaccine for the Coronavirus. Whenever they’re testing a new medicine, they always try it out first on the Laboratory Rat.

Kim Kardashian is doing her own stimulus and is giving $500 to 1,000 people. Herbert Hoover once promised a chicken in every pot, 100 years later, Kim promises a Birkin bag in every closet.

It’s time for Girl Scout cookies and now you can go online and order them.  You may not know this, they have a new cookie that comes in its box already broken.  It’s called “Sorry, that's how the election cookie crumbles.”

Bill Gates, big advocate for climate change is attempting to buy a private jet firm.  Is this a good idea? This man who wants to be involved in aviation is the same one who can’t keep Microsoft Word from crashing.

​Alex Trebek’s last episode of Jeopardy was aired last night. If TV were fair, we’d have more episodes of Alex Trebek’s “Jeopardy” and fewer episodes of “Keeping up with the Kardashians.”

Facebook sent out a memo urging its employees not to wear Facebook-branded items for safety. Employees are going under the radar, they’re wearing clothing from MySpace.


Head coach and GM of the NE Patriots, Bill Belichick has declined the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Belichick is going for a minimalist look on his mantle this year: no Medal of Freedom or Super Bowl LV trophy.

And finally…

Over 190,000 ceiling fans sold are being recalled because when the fans are turned on, the blades could spin-off. Folks, this the worst spin-off, since Joanie loves ChaChi.

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